Money on the Mind...cramps too.

Does anyone else do this?... Your day can be alright but as soon as you hit the pillow you are wide awake with reflections of the day, goals for the next day, future plans and goals, wants and wonders..  I have this problem probably 5 out of 7 nights.  Ha.  I am always wondering what I can be doing in my life and I mean how I can contribute financially.  Cade will have a great job working for his Dad when we move back to Boise (FOUR MONTHS.....you better believe I'm keeping count) but I still worry that it won't be enough. Key word being worry.  We all know that today you rarely see stay at home moms, it's just not as simple as it use to be.  Or can it be?

Caution: These thoughts pooring out of my head are not said with the intent of hurting Cade's ego.  (He's use to my worries anyways).  Cade's a pretty dang awesome provider.  Working full-time and going to school part-time while I can only get 25 hours a week at my job.  Boo.  (But then again I really can't handle more than that, retail is awful and is about to make me more crazy than I already am).

So I know that Cade's job will be able to pay the bills, I just worry that is all.  You know?  I say that in the least harmful way as possible.  Please, no one take this the wrong way.
I mean everyone hopes to live comfortably beyond just paying bills.  Everyone wants to be able to dress nice, take vacations, afford a few nice things here and there.  My point is that I wonder if in the future there is a way that I can contribute to living comfortably after the bills.  Or will we be paying the bills and living from paycheck to paycheck while I am at home with the babies.  (And I do want to stay home with the babies.  Pretty bad.  Baby, baby, baby, I want a baby.)
Or maybe it just comes down to this: I am my Dad's daughter.  That's what it is.  Mister Creative-High Stress-Inventive-Go get em-Passionate Business Guy.  Go big or go home money making mentality?   He owned a very successful Mortgage Company and a beautiful, with lots of potential, Salon not long ago.  The salon started up when the mortgage company was doing really well, so the mortgage companys success was what fed the salon.  It was like night and day when the economy hit though.  The salon hung on for as long as it could after the mortgage company went bankrupt.  Tough times for a lot of years.  My Dad is on to bigger and better things with Take Shape for Life now though and it's actually been a relief to see the salon end.

Anyways...we have this itch (...maybe I shouldn't talk for him too but I have to assume this is where it comes from and this is what I've observed from him), constant wondering in the back of our minds of what we can be doing more, what could be the next best thing, how to make more money...  I think it could be a good thing, but my thoughts never lead to brilliant ideas or plans of execution...just empty wants and wonders.  I don't know that I want to own a business such as a store or restaurant, etc..  I've seen a different side than maybe you have of opening a business.  Long hours in a day, debt collectors at our front door because Dad couldn't make payments he thought he would have no problem making..  I just have no desire to take that risk or road.

I want to write a book.  I want to write a childrens book.  From my understanding though, it's a pretty hard thing to make money from childrens books- if you can even get it published.  I use to love writing when I was young but now, I guess I struggle with..."Somebody will have to read this", and that ends that project.  And have you seen the way I end sentences, start them, dot dot dot everywhere.  I could use some english classes.  Don't judge me. :)

I wonder if I have any sort of skill that I can make money from on the side.  ....Nothing comes to mind at this point in my life though.

Yes, I should go to college, I know.  I just don't see myself working a full-time office job when I have young children, which will probably last over a good decade, or not....I don't know. :) We'll cross that bridge when it comes.  Soo...go to school for a year, have babies, go back to school ten years later, get a job?  Or go to school for a year, have babies and fit school in over the course of ten years then jump into the work force?  I guess that works.  For whatever reason something is holding me back from taking that road.  I think I really want to do something with business though and so I don't know what is holding me back from that idea.  Maybe I'm afraid it won't be what I hoped it would.  I did attend some college earlier this summer at Davis Applied Technology College.  Ok, I went twice.  It was not what I hoped for.  My biggest frustration was that the teacher and the office staff were not on the same page.  They didn't know what the other person meant or expected which lead to the office staff being frustrated with me (cashier lady is mean and I don't like her) and charging me $90 extra.  Other reasons too..it just wasn't what I wanted to put my money into.  I'm willing to give it another try eventually though, just not there. 

Dear diary & sincerely, me.

Those are the thoughts going on in my mind.  If you made it to the end of that.  No, you can not have those few minutes of your life back, I'm sorry, but it's not too late to leave now. :)

Is it socially acceptable to blog about your "time of the week"?  Hahaha.  Cause I'm about to!  Holy Moly.

Lots of bananas: CHECK.

Two Excederin: CHECK.

Almost pass out in the shower: CHECK.

Blanket: CHECK.

Ugly hair from being too lazy and nervous of passing out to dry it: CHECK.

Nap time: CHECK maybe.

MOMMY: .....

Too Much Information: CHECK.
Wittle Cutsie Poopsie Puppy, Kyah Pyah, cuddled up next to me: CHECK

Finally a few minutes of no pain: ....Aw nice, CHECK.

Thank goodness no work today.  This is the second time that I've hurt so bad that I felt near passing out.  The first time was in High School and that was a close one.  I was glad that I made it to a seat before I blacked out, that could have been embarrassing.  I remember the nurse was mad at me because when I went into her office she couldn't help me for awhile, so I went to my locker, called my mom from my cell phone, went back to the nurse and was told that I shouldn't have done that because, I can't remember why..  And, ohhh!  Now I know why my weekend was so rough: Small dosage of happy pills + Storm before the Calm = Off weekend.  I wouldn't really call this part calm though.  Anyways.....

TODAY I plan on making guacamole.  Hm.... I think Kami gave me the idea.  I'm going to toast my whole wheat sandwich thins in the oven and cut them up and use that for my tortilla chip.  Make sense?  We'll seee.  I could really use a break through recipe in the food department about now.  My patience is shot.  I'm still with it though and probably won't quit.  Just hoping I'll be able to perfect it at some point.
TIP: Kale in your healthy fruit smoothie.  Hidden veggies.  Thanks green smoothie girly, that's brilliant.

Ok.  I am sorry if you read this whole thing.  It's a wee bit therapeutic for me though, gotta admit.

Oh and P.S. Why can't a black man be conservative without being called a traitor?  GAAAASH.  I am annoyed about this.