Last night, was a good night. No, it wasn't. But, it kind of was. Aleah is doing soo much better lately. But we aren't out of the woods and every time that we think we are, we are shown otherwise. Her colic is getting better though and it can only go up from here...I think. Some nights, most nights she has a hard time sleeping. Last night was one of them. I put her down usually around 7-8, whenever she's feeling it. Last night it was seven. It was another wake up every hour (until 11 or midnight) and cry and cry kind of night. Yesterday was just a bad day for me, not really because of Aleah, just a down in the dumps day. So, Aleah crying was just the cherry on top. I knew how it would go if I took her out of her cradle... She would stop crying start to fall asleep or fall into a good deep sleep and when I would put her down she would wake right up and continue to cry. So I just tried to rock her in the cradle and stroke her hair. Sometimes she just needs you for a bit and then will fall back asleep until the next hour, this time the crying went on for more than an hour. I just didn't know what to do, like I usually don't. Cade was going to leave to play basketball but then he debated going, I felt fine enough to send him on his way though. I'm glad he left. :) It gave me a good opportunity to learn a few things. Ever since being married I kind of have struggled to find good alone time. Alone time to just cry and read helpful things or reflect on scriptures or pray.. Moments I always, though didn't want to have from trials during teen years, but moments I felt my Saviors love the most. Special kind of moments through trials. So last night after Cade left, twenty minutes later and she's still crying... "Pick her up? Don't pick her up? She's still going to cry either way..." Finally I just sat back, feeling pretty helpless and frustrated. Then I looked over and saw my scriptures. Scriptures have always been my answer to prayers, questions or concerns. Heavenly Father really does know me and I know this by how he comforts me and sends what I need to me, that often being through the scriptures. I flipped them open pretty randomly and the first highlighted scripture caught my eye... Alma 26:27.
"Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to aturn back, behold, the Lord bcomforted us, and said: Go amongst thy brethren, the Lamanites, and bear with cpatience thine dafflictions, and I will give unto you success."
I don't remember highlighting that scripture, or what it meant to me before...but this time it spoke to me in the way that I really needed it. To someone else it might not mean what it did to me but I could relate to it in a special way and I don't doubt that it was meant to speak to me that way.
I sat up, stroked her head a few more times and within minutes she was asleep.
Did she sleep a full 8 hours after that? No. She woke up probably twenty minutes later crying. But this time I picked her up and snuggled her a little bit. I thought about how I had to put her back down, she has a lot of learning to do too and I can't hold her in my arms all the time and make life super easy for her. Right then though, she probably needed a little hug. I realized while snuggling her that in a way that was kind of what Heavenly Father did for me. I needed a little comfort, a little hug. He gave me a little tender mercy by sending me that message through the scriptures and helping me with Aleah, but there is still so much for me to learn and growth still needed and he can't take away all of my trials, but he can give me a little "hug" sometimes when I need it. (Sorry for the run on sentence all you English majors). So grateful for last nights trial and lesson. So grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows what I need and for my friend, Jesus Christ who I always know feels the pain I am feeling and is there to hear me and help me too. Blessed with so much.
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